"To believe in this living is just a hard way to go"

The trial that was to be. Was not.
The rape that should have met justice. Did not.

He pleads guilty holding me down on a couch...
and it will all go away after a year...
and no one will know what he did.

I am home now.
I think I am supposed to be relieved that it is "all over".
But it's not.

The sadness at the injustice.
The sheer truth of the dead end.
Weighs on my heart and crushes me.

The reality that this is how our system responded to my rape...
makes me want to kick and scream.

Overcome with the feeling that my hands and feet are perpetually tied...
I struggle to be free of it.

I am tired. Tired of fighting.
I see my life's work ahead now. I know it is needed.

I feel I am changing... so much inside.
I need to go away and be quiet... and let the pain settle.

I keep saying I want to go live on another planet.
It hurts too much here.

No choice. No voice. No justice.

The law - this world - has told me...
go ahead... scream.
No one will hear you.

My compassion goes out to anyone and everyone
who has lived long and ever wanted to fly away
to someplace better...



ANGEL FROM MONTGOMERY

I am an old woman named after my mother
My old man is another child that’s grown old
If dreams were thunder and lightning was desire
This old house would have burnt down a long time ago

Chorus:
Make me an angel that flies from Montgom’ry
Make me a poster of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go

When I was a young girl well, I had me a cowboy
He weren’t much to look at, just free rambling man
But that was a long time and no matter how I try
The years just flow by like a broken down dam.

Chorus

There’s flies in the kitchen I can hear ‘em there buzzing
And I ain’t done nothing since I woke up today.
How the hell can a person go to work in the morning
And come home in the evening and have nothing to say.

Make me an angel that flies from Montgom’ry
Make me a poster of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go

Thanks for NOTHING... and the Repeat Sex Offender Punch Card

As I recently suffered through the "injustice system" I was retraumatized and felt very devalued and discarded. Rape is still a crime against the state. The concept of rape being a crime against the state is left on the law books as a carry over from at time when women were still considered property.

My rapist plead guilty to a lesser charge of Felonious Restraint. I was never advised of please negotiations and I did not want it. They are basically saying he held me down on that couch and wouldn't let me get up... which put me at risk of suffocation. He gets no jail time. No Sex Offender status. His Felony will only be discoverable by the public for a year. Then it disappears. It will only be looked at if he ever does something again (and gets caught).

So it will take him raping me, and maybe one or two others, before they take it seriously. One woman's life destroyed by his rape is not enough... they need 2 or 3 more women... in order to constitute a whole human over which to be enraged.

The message to rapists is that it is open season.
The message to victims is that they are sub human and won't get justice.

I made this card for the State of Missouri (and other states) who turn their head from this crime to demonstrate how ridiculous this is.

This system is messed up. When these rapists are set free they are allowed to continue to perpetrate these crimes. Then when they finally rape and murder someone... everyone acts all surprised and shocked... and they wonder what on earth creates these monsters....

News Flash: OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM DOES.

It is not just the judges, attorneys, and outdated laws that are responsible, but the people who sit on juries and let rapists go because of sexist conditioning which encourages rape myths. We must stop blaming the victims and take the crime of rape seriously.

The criminal system gives rape victims no choice in prosecution. I had to beg for prosecution. Many say I was "Lucky" that I got so far. That is no comfort to me. Filing a civil suit is just as impossible.

Criminal Justice System: Rape victims have no choice and no voice. I am shut out.

Civil Justice System: Rape Victims are shut out if they are not privileged. I don't have enough money. I am not protected by rape shield laws.... and even if you win you many NEVER see a dime.

What is a rape victim to do?

"The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

Film Documentaries on Rape - BRAVO!

I came across these video clips on No!TheRapeDocumentary.org

NO! The Rape Documentary: Ending Sexual Assault and Violence Against Women


Ending Sexual Assault And Violence Against Women: Breaking Silences Video