Saturday, March 22, 2008

"To believe in this living is just a hard way to go"

The trial that was to be. Was not.
The rape that should have met justice. Did not.

He pleads guilty holding me down on a couch...
and it will all go away after a year...
and no one will know what he did.

I am home now.
I think I am supposed to be relieved that it is "all over".
But it's not.

The sadness at the injustice.
The sheer truth of the dead end.
Weighs on my heart and crushes me.

The reality that this is how our system responded to my rape...
makes me want to kick and scream.

Overcome with the feeling that my hands and feet are perpetually tied...
I struggle to be free of it.

I am tired. Tired of fighting.
I see my life's work ahead now. I know it is needed.

I feel I am changing... so much inside.
I need to go away and be quiet... and let the pain settle.

I keep saying I want to go live on another planet.
It hurts too much here.

No choice. No voice. No justice.

The law - this world - has told me...
go ahead... scream.
No one will hear you.

My compassion goes out to anyone and everyone
who has lived long and ever wanted to fly away
to someplace better...



ANGEL FROM MONTGOMERY

I am an old woman named after my mother
My old man is another child that’s grown old
If dreams were thunder and lightning was desire
This old house would have burnt down a long time ago

Chorus:
Make me an angel that flies from Montgom’ry
Make me a poster of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go

When I was a young girl well, I had me a cowboy
He weren’t much to look at, just free rambling man
But that was a long time and no matter how I try
The years just flow by like a broken down dam.

Chorus

There’s flies in the kitchen I can hear ‘em there buzzing
And I ain’t done nothing since I woke up today.
How the hell can a person go to work in the morning
And come home in the evening and have nothing to say.

Make me an angel that flies from Montgom’ry
Make me a poster of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go

2 comments:

Human said...

WTF?!
In regards to your last 2 posts, Did you get a chance to make a victim's statement? Also may I suggest that you put this rapists name out there so others can know? Maybe make a blog ?
I know some ways to game it so that if someone searches for his name, there will be a good chance the post would come up.

Maybe you can also make a blog with names etc. of the "Prosecutor" and such?

Grrrrrr!

Greenconsciousness said...

The legal system is a hard way to go - words fail me. A similar thing happened to me. And you know, a lot of us. I can only say, try to begin your life right away or it just gets worse and worse. Also, you know there will be some post traumatic shock disorder, so prepare for that by learning as much as you can about it. Does your state have a victim witness compensation fund? Because they are supposed to pay for counseling. I am very sorry you had to go through this.